Getting Divorced

I've been married for nearly 20 years, and recently, my husband filed for divorce and moved out of the house we've shared for more than 10 years. We'd been having problems for several months, and although I thought we were trying to work it out, I think he only ever said that to keep the peace.

For the last few months, he'd insult me by calling me fat, stupid, rolling his eyes at me, etc. Initially, I just let it go, but eventually, I started calling him out on things. Sorry, but if you really love someone, you won't do that. You won't be disrespectful or insulting. I read something the other day that really resonated with me. "If your boyfriend/spouse ever says anything rude or disrespectful to you, tell him to write it down on a piece of paper, get in his car, drive, and deliver it to his mother or simply hand it to his daughter. If he can't say it to his mother, or doesn't want another man to one day say it to his daughter, he shouldn't be saying it to you." 

There was a LOT of that behavior going on, and I should've told him to try that with his mother, given that she never liked me. She certainly wouldn't have tolerated that behavior from him, if directed towards her, but I'm certain she was egging on that behavior when directed towards me. 

Of course, he left with no notice, while I was asleep, in the middle of a stay at home order for our state, due to the COVID-19 pandemic. I'm blessed with some amazing friends who have been checking in on me, making sure I eat, sending presents to make me smile, etc. 

I've also been dealing with the bad side of divorce--the side no one mentions. The emotional toll is challenging. Some days, I'll be doing just wonderfully, only to see something or think of something and realize it won't be the same again. I've hated my birthday for years (more on that in another entry), and this is just another reason to not like it. But, I'll have to make it work somehow. 

He left most of his stuff, so I've slowly been packing up that. I want to pack it up so I don't have to see it and so I don't have to deal with it. I"m running out of places to put boxes, and I"m also running out of boxes. 

I have two dogs, and it has been a change for them too. One won't leave my side, while the other is just confused about the boxes and the changes.