Introducing Grace!

Introducing my divorce present to myself... A reminder to always have grace!

In mid-April, a close friend took a mom and puppy into her rescue near Houston. The puppy was named Coco, and was adopted about a month ago. Momma was named Grace. Something about Grace called to me, but after Schultz passed, Mac said no to adding another dog, so I figured she'd find a home elsewhere.

The morning that he moved out, I texted my friend, and once she was awake, she called me. While we were on the phone, I tearfully asked if she would consider entrusting Grace to me, when she was ready to find a new home. She agreed, I mean, who couldn't when your friend is bawling on the phone because her marriage is over?

Grace needed some time to gain some weight and learn how to be a house dog. Initially, I figured she'd arrive shortly after I moved into a new house, but since that timeline was delayed, we decided she was ready for her new life. Transport was arranged, thanks to Rescue Road Trips and I picked her up this week.

I should add that she's adoption #850 for Reggie's Friends!

She and I will both learn and grow. She'll learn some confidence from my two, and I'll remember that new beginnings are good.

Reggie's Friends says "Street Life to Sweet Life" and I can't help but think how true it is for her. Rescued from the streets, she now has so many people who love her, and from April 14 on, her life has been pretty sweet.

In talking to my mother about Grace on Friday night, she told me that, since all of the divorce drama started, she's been praying for me to move forward with grace. Her prayer was answered, just maybe not in the way she thought it would be! 

Divorce and Eating

I used to laugh when I heard someone say, "I forgot to eat today." How do you forget to eat? I love food too much for that, or at least I thought that was the case. One of the benefits of this divorce has been that I'm no longer eating because someone else is hungry or someone else expects to eat at a certain time. 

Initially, I lost 10 pounds simply because I didn't feel up to eating, and only ate because a friend made sure I had food and ate. She still does, because every time I see her, she buys food for me, whatever meal it is. But, otherwise, food isn't the focus for me that it once was. I'm enjoying this, and have lost almost 23 pounds since his moved out. 

I now understand the, "I forgot to eat today." There are some days where eating just doesn't pop up as important. Most days, I either eat breakfast or lunch and then dinner. It's not a bad thing. There isn't pressure to eat because no one will be upset if I don't eat. 

I ate breakfast at 10:30 or so, and just realized I probably should eat lunch/dinner soon, considering it is close to dinnertime! I have a ton of stuff to do today/tomorrow and have yet to do any of it. I'm exhausted, so I'm actually torn between napping and heating up dinner. Decisions, decisions... 

Now I Understand Betty Broderick's Why

Since I've been working from home, I usually have the TV on as background noise while I'm working. It isn't quite the normal office "white noise" but it is something. I frequently have it tuned to USA because they air various shows I've either seen or can tolerate but don't care if I really pay attention to them. They are also going to start airing Dirty John: The Betty Broderick Story on June 2. They've been showing previews for months. This is the second season of Dirty John, as the first season discussed John Meehan. I caught part of that in reruns and found it somewhat confusing, but that is probably because I didn't watch the first episode.

The new season stars Christian Slater and Amanda Peet, and one of the trailers shows Amanda Peet, as Betty Broderick, saying, "I would've been treated better if I had been a dog and served my master. I'm amazed it only took one bullet to kill Dan Broderick." That about sums up at least the last year or so of my marriage.

After reading and hearing about some of what Dan Broderick did to Betty, I had some empathy for her years ago. Now, I definitely do, and I understand why she would kill Dan Broderick. I also understand why she shows no remorse. 

It's All About Control

I've discovered that so much of this divorce is about control. Before divorce was ever mentioned, it was about control of money. Now, we've moved to control of everything. When he left, he took 90% of the firearms, including numerous ones that are in my name. I reported those to the police as no longer being in my possession, because if they are used in a crime, I don't want that coming back to me. 

The only bills in his name were the satellite TV and the cell phones. Two weeks ago, he disconnected the satellite without warning. It's fine, because I was able to get a better deal on it, and it was easy enough to install. 

Yesterday, he decided to screw with me by moving my cell phone number to a new phone and leaving me without a cell phone, or so he thought. I'd opened up a cell phone account after he left, so I had a cell phone. It just means that I had to update my phone number everywhere. I *think* I've finally updated everything. 

Initially, I thought it was all so he could spy on me, but I realized that it is really all about control. He wants control over everything, because he has no control over his life and family, given Mommy Dearest. 

This is why I'm happy I thought ahead to get a different phone, and why I will ALWAYS advocate that women should have their own little savings fund. Why only women? Women traditionally earn less than men, and therefore, they are less likely to be able to withstand this sort of thing without having a little stash of money. Also, perk if you have everything in your name. Then, if you are abandoned, you don't have to worry about any of this. 

Getting Divorced

I've been married for nearly 20 years, and recently, my husband filed for divorce and moved out of the house we've shared for more than 10 years. We'd been having problems for several months, and although I thought we were trying to work it out, I think he only ever said that to keep the peace.

For the last few months, he'd insult me by calling me fat, stupid, rolling his eyes at me, etc. Initially, I just let it go, but eventually, I started calling him out on things. Sorry, but if you really love someone, you won't do that. You won't be disrespectful or insulting. I read something the other day that really resonated with me. "If your boyfriend/spouse ever says anything rude or disrespectful to you, tell him to write it down on a piece of paper, get in his car, drive, and deliver it to his mother or simply hand it to his daughter. If he can't say it to his mother, or doesn't want another man to one day say it to his daughter, he shouldn't be saying it to you." 

There was a LOT of that behavior going on, and I should've told him to try that with his mother, given that she never liked me. She certainly wouldn't have tolerated that behavior from him, if directed towards her, but I'm certain she was egging on that behavior when directed towards me. 

Of course, he left with no notice, while I was asleep, in the middle of a stay at home order for our state, due to the COVID-19 pandemic. I'm blessed with some amazing friends who have been checking in on me, making sure I eat, sending presents to make me smile, etc. 

I've also been dealing with the bad side of divorce--the side no one mentions. The emotional toll is challenging. Some days, I'll be doing just wonderfully, only to see something or think of something and realize it won't be the same again. I've hated my birthday for years (more on that in another entry), and this is just another reason to not like it. But, I'll have to make it work somehow. 

He left most of his stuff, so I've slowly been packing up that. I want to pack it up so I don't have to see it and so I don't have to deal with it. I"m running out of places to put boxes, and I"m also running out of boxes. 

I have two dogs, and it has been a change for them too. One won't leave my side, while the other is just confused about the boxes and the changes.